Heart in the Clouds.

I was always the girl who was a little too tall, a little too loud, a little too "too."
I was always the girl who was called on in class, but I never knew what the teacher was talking about because my "head was in the clouds". Funny thing is, I've always loved being the girl with her head in the clouds. I found it to be a romantic notion, the idea of this silly girl with huge dreams and itchy fingers. Sure it got me into trouble, but I couldn't stop daydreaming and fantasizing about my future.
Well, here we are. it is the future, to 11 yr. old Katie.
Another thing about me: If I start a task, I will not eat or sleep or kiss my husband until it is complete*. I often find myself even holding my breath.
Well, for the last 7 months, I feel I've been holding my breath.
Husbear and I are trying to start a family, and we've found that it's not nearly as easy as my stupid Health teach made me think it would be. Sure, the "trying" is fun...but even that can get, well, trying.
So here we are, on the eve of our 8th cycle, and I figured I'd start a[nother] blog.
*The tasks mentioned above do NOT include blogging. I am a horrible blogger, but I do love to write. So I'm trying again, so maybe I'll have an outlet for all of the daydreams that fill my mind each day and night. Problem is, the idea of starting a family has become utterly consuming. Each negative test and spot of red is a dagger in my heart. Each flutter and pain in my belly is a sparkle of hope. Every tiny change my body experiences brings paralyzing confusion. Honestly? I need my head back. I have a husband to love and a home to run and a new town to explore and new friends to embrace. I need my head. I need it clear.
So instead of leaving my head in the clouds, I'm going to place my heart up there. I will remain positive and hopeful and optimistic, for the most part. I will let myself have a good cry when it hurts, and yell at the sky when it doesn't make sense, but ultimately I will remind myself that these hands were made to mother, that this heart was made to nurture, and most likely this body was made to grow life. And if later down the road we find out that it was not, that does not mean the first two aren't still true.
I have to stay positive. My heart is in the clouds, and there it will stay. I will have my family one day.

STATS:
-CD27, 14DPO
-Waiting on AF, due CD28 (BFN on 13DPO)